Acceptance -OR How To Survive In This Crazy World

      Over the last few months I've read many posts on Social Media about others health issues, life struggles, etc.  It pains me to "feel" the heartache I sense coming through their words. I met a sweet lady, newly to the possible transplanted community recently, she stated she just finished reading my blog and wasn't sure if she could go through all I have.
     First, let me say ....  Not everyone will go through all I have. With the advances in medicine today, many will soar through their health issues with flying colors. I have met some of these new trail blazers and they warm my heart. Those of us with more than 15 years behind us (24 here) were the trail blazers of our day too. We helped spark that debate of, "What makes them thrive?"  How does patient A live for 20 years with a transplant, while patient B rejects within 2 years?

     I believe it can be summed up into two words: Acceptance and Overcome
Let's look at acceptance.
I accepted in 1977, I may not live to see 20 years old... I overcame it.
I accepted that in late 1989, I was given 12 months to live... Back then a physician had to give you this "death sentence" for  you to be listed for a transplant.. I overcame it. On that 365th day I woke to a sense of , "is this my last"  then I thought NO it will not be.
I accepted when my transplant team told me, this could be the last few years of my life- go enjoy it.
I cried over things I  may never see again: the wind in the Palm Trees, the ocean, etc. BUT I overcame it by NOT falling into a mind trap of doing this everyday.  I gave my "crying time" a priority of one hour once a month. The rest was devoted to my life. Each month I took my "woe is me" box from the shelf, opened it, had a good cry, closed it- and continued my life.

Just before Y2K, I was told I had chronic rejection. I was floored. Back then, it was a death sentence to us all. I cried for a few hours, then hit the Internet.. I researched, I read, and I researched more. My team gave me a game plan of what needed to be done. I accepted it. This game plan was my light at the end of the tunnel. It was rough.. It took all the strength and will power I had in me. BUT I DID IT! I learned I am stronger than I ever imagined, and more importantly I learned how to draw on that strength. We stopped the rejection... but...

I was refused a 2nd transplant....

I did not get depressed- I went into action. I contacted EVERY lung transplant center in the nation - and some were not so nice to me either. I found one who would evaluate me !  My new center saw a determination in me that my first one did not. I did everything that was asked of me.Limited breathing capacity, on oxygen (again), and knowing I would need a new kidney after my lungs were re-transplanted. Each time I was rushed in to the hospital, my Dr would give me a game plan of what needed to be done, I would reply "OK" . He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, I was in 150%. I never asked how I would feel, if it would hurt, just "when can we start".
I overcame... I got my new lung, and stayed on a respirator for an additional week to give my kidneys a rest.
My next Acceptance was needing a kidney transplant.  I did all they asked- except - accept that I would need dialysis. I researched...  I had 3 pages of food to avoid that I created. Orange highlights had Potassium, Pink had phosphorus and green had both. I severely restricted my diet- never got dialysis... I overcame.. The thought of a 16 gauge needle in my arm gave me all the determination I needed.
If you have read most of my blog, you will remember that last year 2014 was not a good year for me. My right lung from the original transplant is becoming a little bothersome. My transplant team basically sent me home with the statement, there is nothing more we can do.  I took this as being sent home to die. That is NOT being depressed. That is a call to action!  Within 3 months I was back to my original strength, walking twice a day, swimming, and enjoying life within my boundaries. I asked one of my team if they had any idea of how long I had. I secretly wanted to prove them wrong :)  He replied with anyone else I would estimate- you- we have no idea. That made my day !

I accepted this too... And I am overcoming it.

I have recently lost another beloved pet.. My Toy Fox Terrier CC (Capt Chaos) has left me. The loss of both "boys" has been hard. Dibs was due to an enlarged heart and CC to kidney failure. Both of which I can relate to.  I still have my Ozzi with me. Though we have a deal- he will live forever as long as he is the only dog. You see, he thinks it's good being the king :)

This is not to say my life is all peaches and roses. I have a new regimen I follow to keep my right lung from affecting my left. I know I can still exercise, Dr. Baz taught me that when I was dying for a lung transplant. I can surely do it now. As my right lung wastes away, I can make sure the rest of me stays as healthy as possible. I will not give in ! That is not in my chemical, physical, or mental make up. It is not a fun journey at times, but it is still my journey to live. I intend to make it a grand adventure !

I have stated many times in my life, I CANNOT AFFORD THE LUXURY OF A NEGATIVE THOUGHT.   This is more true than you will ever know, and has kept me from depression.

So... Accept and Overcome.. No matter what you face in life.. If you are diagnosed with Diabetes, Heart disease, or any other ailment- Accept it Now. So you can Overcome it and triumph ! For to not accept can only lead to more health issues down the road.

I would like to take a moment and thank Maher Baz MD for all he taught me through his time as my transplant physician. It is the inner strength, he showed me I had, that I now draw on. I think back to his teaching during the wait for my 2nd lung transplant and the quiet confidence I felt he had for me to overcome. I will always attribute my life and how I choose to overcome my obstacles to him.

My New Life 10/23/1991

The rest of the story on that fateful night is:

My Air Ambulance arrived in Pittsburgh with a very worried Doctor onboard. The customs officials had taken so much of the precious time I needed to make my "transplant window", that we landed at the airport at the exact time I was supposed to be on the table -open - and ready for new lungs..
More delays  ....

I still hear the ambulance wail as we made our way to the hospital.

In the ER the Anesthesiologist and a Transplant Coordiantor were waiting for me.  I found out that the surgeons were "harvesting" the organs in another city. Yes, back then they used the term harvesting, I know it's different now. More politically correct, but this is my story and this is how it happened.
As I lay on the stretcher we chatted away about non-essential topics. We then went into telling jokes.
I spied the curtain moving, the Anesthesiologist changed facial expressions and looked down at me.
"Ready to go?"  Excitedly, "Is it a go?" "It's a go, they're on their way back" " Let's get this show on the road !"  "Well, you have to tell me the punch line before I can put you under ?"

And that is how I went into a life saving lung transplant.  Telling jokes..  If we cannot laugh through our troubles - we will cry hysterically until we destroy ourselves.

Many have been astonished that I did not ask for "Last Rites" just in case. Honestly, the thought never occured to  me. I'd had 18 months to  think, and get my life right with God. I felt this was all in His hands as he guided the surgeons, nurses and finally gave that torch to me. I thought and still do think, that I am in a win-win situation.. If I was allowed to live, I had more time with family, friends and making memories. If I did not live, I was going home, no more oxygen, struggling to breathe, fatigue, I would be whole again ! Who could argue with those odds?

The next thing I remember is waking up on October 25th.. and that is an adventure in itself...

12 Months

What is the value of 12 months?
It equals one year of your life, right? How about when you hear you have 12 months to live? WOW a major shock runs through your brain and body. What? Time is so short? There isn't time left to do what I need to get done. TIME becomes a 4-letter word.
Knowing for about 12 years I would eventually hear those words did nothing to prepare me for when it actually happened. Much the same as if telling you about it would make it real for you. YOU have to live it to know it fully.
While living in Fort Lauderdale in the late 1980's, I drove to Hollywood, FL from Fort Lauderdale for a Dr. visit. It was here that I heard :
"We need to get you on a transplant list, you have about 12 moths left to live."
I was very brave and professional about it, did not cry or break down. No. Not me.
Even though every cell in my body wanted to scream. I was alone, my family living miles away in Jacksonville. I was the gypsy who traveled and lived her life like there was no tomorrow.
Now there wasn't.
Leaving the Dr's office, everything around me seemed surreal. Nothing mattered except my over-active emotions. My head was held high, until I got in my car.
I stayed relatively calm until I got on I-95 driving north to Fort Lauderdale. Realization hit,
the dam broke and feelings came rushing in. "Why me?" "Why couldn't You just let me die in my sleep and make it easy?" Subconsciously my mind was filled to capacity. Background thoughts of making arrangements (God, I'm only 28!), what will this do to mom & Dad?
I found that fine line between emotions and anger. I looked up to the sky and once again cried inside "Why me?" I was raised to NEVER question God, I may not like the answer.
From the corner of my left eye I saw a huge tractor trailer getting way too close to my car, crossing the white line. My vision was all blue, his cab was so close. It seemed inches away.
Instinctively I laid on the horn and searched for a way out. We were on an overpass and my only other option was the guard rail and over the side. In a flashing thought "Oh No! You listened and it'll end quickly but painfully!" The moment passed, the truck recovered and there was no accident.
I pulled over to the nearest break down lane I could get to and literally broke down.
I looked to the sky and calmly said " God, I'll NEVER question you again." Once again Mom was right. I didn't like the answer and I got my first of many attitude adjustments from God.
My emotion charged day was now calmer, thanks to an event that took me away from it for a brief moment.
Unlocking my apartment door, I threw my purse on the table and called the one person who I could talk to, my sister. I called her at work and gave her the news. We cried together, and she asked if I wanted her to tell my parents. No, this is my responsibility and it isn't something to tell them over the phone. I'll make arrangements to take time from work and drive up to Jacksonville and tell the family.
This was on a Friday. Two of my sisters Bev and Frances were at my apartment Saturday morning to be with me. The weight of the world was momentarily lifted when I saw family.
They made sure I had a wonderful weekend before driving to Jacksonville on Sunday afternoon to give my parents the news that would change all our lives forever.
I believe this is where the guilt feelings started because I felt like I was always hurting someone because I was sick and dying. I was causing such utter grief to others, not the person I wanted to be.