The Blessing of Mini-me's

       I had to replace the batteries in my spirometer this morning, and decided to stop for lunch  on the way home. While sitting at the table quietly eating my roast beef sandwich, I noticed a family sitting to my left.
Their daughter was this adorable little cherub with blonde ringlets for hair.  She was very involved with Mom, but dad and grandpa (I think) were totally immersed in eating. All at once this little cherub began to cry and grab her eyes, saying they hurt. My guess is she has an eye issue as Mom started searching for eye drops and trying to calm her down.
       This is when I began to become a little irate with the father. Instead of talking to his daughter and soothing her worries he continued to eat! And he was the one sitting next to her. Mom got the eye drops and ushered mini-me into the ladies room to put them in, while Dad watched her leave and proceeded to grab the little ones fries and eat them! What a louse! Actually I was thinking much worse but that's the nicest name I could think of for the moment. Mom & daughter returned and once again the little one was smiling and chatting away.  The only words I heard dad say were " you better eat your food". No smile. No show of affection at all for this little adorable creature.
       This has become the basis of today's blog.
Do people truly realize what an unbelieveable blessing it is to have this miniature carbon copy of themselves?
Or is it just people like me, who never had that chance?
Do people realize what they've been given?
       I was told when I was 17 that I could never have children. Not only would it be fatal for me, there was a 90% chance of the child being brain dead due to my lack of oxygen. Basically this has been a no brainer for me all my life, but that does not negate the emotional nor the mental impact of watching a carbon copy of yourself grow and succeed. Or for me the lack of.
      I had a tubaligation at 18. The next part you'll read I have never discussed since the fatal day it happened.Twelve years later, while on the transplant list waiting for my first life saving/altering lung transplant we discovered that tubal failed.  I was 5 weeks pregnant. I was on oxygen. I was living on 45% room air. I knew what had to be done, and I signed the papers, went into the hospital and it was done. Many may think me cold in this regard, but when you've lived most of  your life being told this is how it is, that is just what you do. Another tubal was performed, but this time I sternly told the doctor: "You make sure this does not happen again, I will not endure this again physically but most of all emotionally and mentally!" One time was enough for me. Also while this was happening, another choice had to be made. Whether to have a wedding or a honeymoon. The wedding happened on a Saturday evening and on Monday morning I was admitted into the hospital. So, there was one day for a honeymoon.
        Does my decision haunt me? Yes, sometimes it does. During heated arguments it was always thrown in my face that I never talked about it, just did it. Honestly there was nothing to talk about. If I did, it would have made it more difficult to do what had to be done. I could never be so selfish as to risk a childs life like that. In my opinion there are way too many out there no one wants, who I could love just as much if not more than a biological child. My doctor placed us on a list for a newborn adoption. Well, the day he called to tell me the good news that he had a pregnant mom who wanted to give us her baby, I had to tell him that I had been single for a week.. Once again... no child for me.
      I was in my early thirties when it hit me, "Wow a parent is responsible for molding a childs personality, attitude, and goals." This hit me like an epiphany. I realized the impact a parent has. If it took me this long to realize it, how many others much younger wished it hit them sooner? I fully realize it's tough for parents in todays world. You have to be ever vigilant. But, I also know when both parents work together, nothing is impossible. I see it everyday with my nieces and the time both parents take with the kids. They should be honored for all both of them do. I am so proud they are MY family! I see well-mannered and well- adjusted kids. Yeah they're sometimes a hand full-but look at the gene pool they came from!  LOL
    So my words for today..... Hugs those Mini-me's until they cry for air! Tell them constantly you love them..and be ever vigilant in keeping them straight.  There are those of us out there who wish we were in your shoes for a day!

Dogs, Days, & Possible Depression?

You may not be aware but I moderate the comments that come through this blog. I moderate mainly because I  do not want any profane items showing up.
  That being said, yesterday I had comments to moderate for my previous blog "Today's gonna be a great day". I opened the comments and was unsure of how to respond or if I should.  The comment left was:
"Every dog has it's day", and this bothered me. I've thought quite a bit about my reaction and others if they had read them.  My Prednisone fogged brain immediately saw the negative. Thoughts that ran through my head were: What! Are you jealous?, How dare you?. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to contact the person leaving the comments and ask if they would explain why they would leave such a comment.
     I've discussed this with a good friend and his response was the positive side. Yeah every dog has his day and you finally get to enjoy yours! I somewhat agreed, but why post it that way? Congratulations of a Gift of Life would sound more apporpriate.  During our discussion I had the epiphany that possibly this person was depressed, maybe waiting for a transplant. I explained my reasoning as this person was reaching out for a shoulder or someone to listen and say, I've been there too. Thus the true meaning behind my blog.
     First let me remind everyone reading, that the sole purpose of my blog is outreach. To  help the healthy understand what we endure in our quest for survival , but more importantly to be there for those candidates and recipients who need to hear it's ok to feel this way.  Please don't misunderstand  that because I sound positive now, this does not mean it's been a perfect day at the beach the last 20 years of my life.
It has not, by no means.  But and I state this emphatically, I have been there, I have conquered whatever  the medical field has managed to throw at me, and I am still positive and ready to tell everyone about it.
     So I would like to close by letting this person know that even though you left the comments, I hope you can let me know you are OK. More importantly if you need someone to listen while you let all the anguish out, I am here. If not me, I will happily put you in touch with others like me who care.