"STOP the world I want off ! "

     Have you ever had one of those days where you want to throw your hands up and just scream.. Stop the world I want off.. Or for you Trekkies -Beam me up Scotty!

  I seem to be having a year of those days.. Now this is not the rants and raves of a silly LOL (little old lady), I too have those times when I feel overwhelmed with health issues and trepidation of what is to come.
My year started with the Retinal Occlusion and the news that my vision would never return to normal in my left eye. Then on to my little boy (DB) and his heart lung issues and fearing I was losing him a few weeks ago.
     For those of you reading my blog for the first time DB is one of my furry wet-nosed four legged boys. The alpha male of the household - yes all 10 pounds of him. And affectionately called Dibs since he is a smaller version of his 18 pound brother.
     Next was a clinic visit to Shands and the news that my lung function and kidney function were down. I knew I couldn't ride that "all healthy and good" gravy train forever, but both?? The clinic visited resulted in a return trip for a bronchoscopy and cleaning all that "gunk" out of my lungs. To date nothing has grown in the samples,  to my dismay. My cough left for a few weeks and just when I thought it safe to breathe again -Wham ! it returned with a vengeance.  I mean drinking a bottle of water really fast and hanging over the porcelain throne to bring it all up. Daily... You see all that "gunk" likes to stick around and try to take up residence in my lungs- resulting in a high temperature and Levacquin for 5 days. Which is where I stand now. One more day left !
I have yet to decided which taste is worse: Prednisone sticking to the roof of your mouth , requiring  that appendage with all those taste buds to jar it loose- or that metallic taste from Levacquin that NOTHING will remove. That plus the insomnia might put good ole Lev right on top.
    For the last 3 weeks I've had dizziness for no apparent reason. I mean if I'm gonna lie down and the room spin- why can't I have the alcohol to make it worthwhile right?? It doesn't seem to happen when I bend down like "normal" folks- but after my walks - note to self- grabbing a palm frond to steady yourself is about as good  as holding a flag pole in a thunderstorm.Now comes a 30-day event monitor.. Great ! I have negative feelings regarding heart monitors- stemming from a bad experience years ago. Plus with this happening daily should my Dr. really want me to wait and then wait again for it to be sent away for reading??
     Most of this stems from the fact we were just told my husband is leaving Friday for an extended stay in New England for work.. Yes I am strong! Yes I can be fearless! But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that being alone with this heart issue is scary.

Please don't get me wrong. I am not angry. I am frustrated. A good phrase is Sick & tired of being sick & tired.  I'm also concerned that this may be that time where I once again have to suck it up and realize I'm on borrowed time. But honestly, I'd rather not face that news alone.